Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
