Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
