69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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