I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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