i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
