i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.