y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..