apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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