So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
