youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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