he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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