Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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