im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
