fuck your aforementioned shoe
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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