Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
