Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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