Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
