I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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