garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
