I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize