So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
