the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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