Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
