she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
