He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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