I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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