i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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