so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
