i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
