my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cannot find my penis.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
