the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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