You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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