i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
