We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
