Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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