youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
