I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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