summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
