Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize