You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
