just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
