porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
