This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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