the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am mentally ready for anal.
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