the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
