So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
how drunk are you?
Several
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
