just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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