I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
