Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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