i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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