like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
