i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
