I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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