I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
