Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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