Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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