remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
