I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
