were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
