so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
