You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
