Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
