In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
