working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
