2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you will always have a special place in my vag
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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