Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
