we have officially lost it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
