im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
