You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
