I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
