Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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