i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
