we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
