dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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