Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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