haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
