My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
