If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just blew my weed a kiss
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
