her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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