So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pants are for mortals
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
