it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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