what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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