OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
