Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
