Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was confusing and full of hummus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
