just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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