That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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