just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
