Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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