Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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