I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
