I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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